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Flying Solo

By Marie-Elise Allen

Marie-Elise Allen – a keynote speaker on Sexual Health and Harmony. Marie-Elise inspires and encourages women to explore a deeper understanding of the sensual and sexual sides of themselves.

Living alone gives many women opportunities to get their life in order and learn to feel complete in themselves without necessarily needing a partner. It is also a wonderful opportunity for a woman to explore her sensual and sexual side. In fact, these days there are many women who choose quite consciously to remain single.

Recent research in Australia cites that in 2003, 13% of women lived alone, ranging from young singles and sole parents, to divorcees and widows. Being single is considered par for the course these days, much of the stigma has been erased. With the advent of shows like Sex in the City and strong female role models in business and the media, it is very acceptable to be a solo act. I am amazed by the number of women who, rather than continuing in relationships that are no longer tenable, choose to put their energy into work, children or business and reap the rewards of their freedom.

Personally, I find remaining single rather empowering. I have not seriously been with anyone since 1998 when staying in Italy. I was more intent on healing the wounds within my family, and myself concerning healthy relationships, before launching headlong into another - just out of need.

In traveling the path of self-inquiry over many years, I experienced many differing opportunities for growth and healing. These ranged from individual counselling to meditations, healing groups and large seminars covering many subjects of personal and spiritual development.

I can still recall being part of a group of women drying ourselves after swimming, and a friend whispering to me that she saw me as not caring for myself at all. This was made obvious by the way I dried off, carelessly threw cream up and down my body, then dragged clothes over my head. She said not once did I touch myself with an ounce of gentleness. Not once did I smile at my reflection. Not once did I show any sign of respect for my body.

I attended another weekend seminar that was full of confronting exercises. However, at the same time, the unwavering care from everyone in the group was comforting and non threatening. I learned much from that experience. The most profound being that I did get in touch with my unique brand of beauty and I took an opportunity that weekend to shine in front of 60 other attendees. I fell in love with my very own body, warts and all, and began to treat it with much more love and respect.

For many years masturbation had only somehow served to remind me that I was still on my own and not in relationship. Somewhere I felt I was not worthy to be loved, so masturbation and the use of intimate toys was the only form of pleasuring I had. Even then there was a tendency to throw myself into work so that I would always be too busy to feel the loneliness, or miss having a partner. It does not take long for life to become a habit and so the cycle can continue.

Now I realise that being alone does not have to be a cause for embarrassment. It does not mean I am undesirable or that there is anything 'wrong' with me.

Masturbation and the use of vibrators has become a wonderful, significant and natural way of bringing some softness and sensuality into my life. The more often I take the time to be sensuous with myself, the more empowering flying solo becomes.

© Copyright 2007 - Marie-Elise Allen

Marie-Elise Allen is a keynote speaker on Sexual Health and Harmony. As a freelance writer she submits her articles world wide and is published in various Holistic Magazines in Australia. She can be contacted by email Marie-Elise faciliates regular information and education evenings merging sexual wellbeing, sensual delight and spiritual connection.

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