Men can be wonderfully, sensual and sensitive in the bedroom and they too have emotional needs. It is indeed a poor reflection on women when men are summed up by their anatomy - their genitals in particular - rather than their sexual ability, sensitivity and competence in the bedroom.
Men are just as complex and emotionally sensitive as women, though, more often than not, they may not have been encouraged to feel or show emotion. Men's sexual experiences can be affected by emotion, just like women (albeit differently), and they respond eagerly to flirting and seduction. Simply, they are not just an erection machine that must perform at will until ejaculation occurs.
It is interesting to note that much conversation about a man's penis (and certainly many articles written on the subject) are either done with joke cracking or with anger at the misuse of it. Everything can seem to be about size. Men have to deal with stereotypes just as often as women - think about that for a moment.
How's this? "Men's emotional-perceptual mechanisms motivate them to copulate with a variety of nubile partners, to spread investments among several individuals in order to realize this goal, and to evaluate coital acceptability largely on the basis of physical attributes" (Townsend, 1992, 1995; Townsend et al., 1995; Townsend and Roberts, 1993).
Note, nothing about emotions or feelings. Try Googling "men's sexual emotions" you don't get a lot of mileage out of that phrase. ... For starters there are four listings in the top five that refer to women!
As a woman, I am acutely aware of how easy it is to dismiss a man because he may have too many insecurities and suppressed feelings, I have known some women who even ridicule men's genitalia to get their point across. However, they do have common questions and concerns about how men should behave or respond in a relationship. How often have I heard "If only he would talk to me" or "I can't get him to communicate what he is feeling" or "he shuts down, you just can't reach him"?
Perhaps some understanding is needed here. Over bearing mothers can leave their mark on their little boys such as mollycoddling, having affairs (and been caught out by their son) preening themselves and not allowing their sons to express their own desires, wants and needs fully. Sometimes a son finds out that he is not is father's son, but the result of a one night stand! Insecurities will mount as these young boys turn into men and try to interact with women who very possibly they do not respect. Is it any wonder?
The good-looking, sexy guy with the cute butt, deep throated laugh and smile that contributes to global warming, will, deep down, have difficulty respecting the women who throw themselves at him. He flaunts his looks, his charm, his genitalia, yet essentially wants to be seen for who he really is.
It is so easy to fall into abyss of wine, women, song and dance, yet I have been told first hand of the empty feeling of a life like that. There is often a strong desire when looking in the mirror and shaving, to have more substance and meaning to life. It is interesting how these behaviours, along with who we attract into our lives, can propel us to new levels of understanding and self inquiry (eventually).
Because men tend to have difficulty in expressing their emotions let alone sharing them, women seem to look more at their cars, jobs, appearances or the way they perform in bed in determining what makes them a suitable catch.
So, how does one cope with reserve or silence that may be exhibited when a man is chewing something over? Understanding the genetic wiring would help, as would giving them the space that is often needed. Many men simply do not know how to express their gentler, more vulnerable feelings with anybody, let alone women. Generally it is their jealousy, anger or pride that does get expressed usually with strong, difficult reactions - and that is viewed as a form of control by the spouse or partner.
At the end of the day men can be just as responsive, sensitive and in many cases as insightful as women. Communication mixed with a good proportion of care, patience and understanding creates the glue of a great relationship rather than sexual prowess and genitalia.
So let me repeat from where I started - there is more to a man than his penis!
Marie-Elise Allen is a keynote speaker on Sexual Health and Harmony. As a writer she submits her articles world wide and is published in various Holistic Magazines in Australia. She can be contacted through her web site http://marie-elise.com Marie-Elise facilitates regular information and education evenings merging sexual well-being, sensual delight and spiritual connection.