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Five Tips For Getting Over Your Ex

Okay, your boyfriend ended it, that heartless jerk. Now your future seems like it is in shambles. You feel a bit panicky and you might feel ready to beg for him to come back. You'll do anything to make things right. Don't. Do Not!

No matter how hard you try, you can't get back to that haven of sunshine where you were once so comfortable and safe. He blew it and sadly it's gone.

There's only one thing left for you to do: Forget him. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but with these guidelines, you'll soon forget about him, pick up the pieces of your shattered heart, move forward in your life, and find out there really is a new life without him.

1. Take him off that pedestal please!

Don't idolize this guy and build him up into something he's not. He is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of him, don't jump to answer his emails or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way to run into him. He no longer deserves preferential treatment. He was foolish enough to let you go in the first place, if he didn't know how wonderful you are then he's not worthy of you. Now say that out loud to yourself. Say it until you actually believe it.

2. Get closure.

What the heck is closure anyway and why do you need it? It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. If you can't get that into your head, he owes you the courtesy of being completely honest with you (assuming he was not). He needs to tell you: "I never loved you" or "I don't love you anymore". "We'll never get back together." After some prodding, he'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call "closure." and it helps you begin to heal.

3. Don't contact him!

After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go crazy. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write him emails. Don't even think of texting him. Don't send him anything or drive by his place. Are you getting the picture yet? If he wants to find you he will. And even if you can talk your way back into his arms, it's only a temporary remission. He already knows you want him back, and he doesn't care. Take that as a sign. You're way to good to humiliate yourself like this. If you work with this person... well, avoid as much contact as possible and start looking for a new job.

4. Get negative feelings out on paper.

Write down in a letter format or as a list pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, and then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away, shred it, or burn it! But definitely, no matter what don't send it to him. You will only regret it. He might show his friends and maybe even his new girlfriend. And they will all share a good laugh at your expense. If you have a key to his place, toss that out too! Don't even think of going there to drop it off... no, no, no! If he changed the locks it will break your heart more. I know from experience, this once happened to me, it felt really sad. I did slip the silly key under the door to his condo so at least he knew I knew he changed the locks. I hope he felt bad, he did it so quickly.

5. Avoid his friends and the places he hangs out.

Don't venture into his territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. It will be hard; especially because you will probably loss some of the friends you shared. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with him, you may have to shut them out, too -- at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with mutual friends.

Throw out all of his crap. Leave your stuff at his place, you don't need it that toothbrush, he probably threw it out anyway. Replace whatever CDs or other items you left there. Try not to listen to music that reminds you of him, not for a while that is; you'll know when songs no longer remind you of him.

If he calls you and he probably will since men are creatures of habit, don't answer his calls. Let him leave you a message, listen to it only once and then erase it. Change your phone number to an unlisted number if he continues to call. (I had to do that once and it felt so good knowing that he couldn't get my number).

We've all been through this, I'm not saying it's going to be easy, you will feel a void in your life, but in time you'll be glad you didn't stoop to adolescent behavior.

Soon, you will enjoy some time that you now have to yourself.

If you are gay, all of these "rules" apply to you too.

Good luck with your new beginning.

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